hurry up and wait

“I feel like I’m spending so much time and energy fighting the systems, I’m too tired to fight the cancer”. Of course. this is not what I want to hear, and yet I totally understand.

We don’t know yet, if John will able to switch his medical plan on October 1st or if he will have to wait for open enrollment on November 1st.

Additionally, the second bronchoscopy yielded no cancer results. Which is oddly disappointing and yet perplexing to me (how does a Dr. get 8 needle aspirations and there are no cells to indicate the cancer that is obviously there?)

Finally, he goes in for a fourth chemo round tomorrow, starting a new chemo drug, because the first drugs were not getting the results his Doctor wanted to see.

He’s been fighting a cold for quite some time and the cough that used to be intermittent, seems to be more pronounced these days. John is tired and I just want him to look and feel relaxed (if this can even happen).